43994452 - crow, corvus corone, perched on a branch, close up

They say that, when an organ grinder wants to discipline his performing monkey, he kills a chicken in front of the monkey. If he hits the monkey, it will become too skittish and intimidated to perform well in the future. Which brings me to crows.

In Vancouver, we have a problem with crows at times; people complain that they rip up their lawns. So smart me, I think up a solution: Blow up balloons and put them all over your lawn. Then, when Mr. Crow shows up for work, take your trusty pellet gun and shoot the balloon closest to him. Don’t shoot the crow! Crows, being very smart fellows, will soon learn that your lawn is scarier and less predictable than that of your pot smoking, barely lucid neighbor, and they will pop over to his place to rip things up. I thought I was pretty smart thinking that up. (Like sending the burglars and home invaders over to your socialist neighbour who is afraid of guns.)

Then I read in the Vancouver Sun that many thousands of lawns throughout the Lower Mainland are being ruined as crows, raccoons and skunks tear up turf to get to tasty chafer grubs, and that chafers have been with us for the past 14 years – but that there are still many people like me who do not know what is going on. So they offered a little background and advice:

“European chafers first arrived in New Westminster in 2001, hidden in nursery stock shipped from Eastern Canada, where they have been a problem since the 1940s. The crows, skunks, and raccoons love to dine on the white grubs which are feeding on the roots of grass. But the crows, skunks, and raccoons are actually doing a good job of pest control. They are nature’s agents, digging and eating the juicy grubs before they have a chance to turn into a mature beetle that flies off to reproduce and perpetuate the cycle of destruction. Let the crows and raccoons do their job.”

 WELL! That made me realize how ill-informed I have been because all I heard was homeowners complaining about crows and raccoons. Isn’t it the same when it comes to most things? A little bald man rushing around selling overpriced balloons and pellet guns as a “solution” to the “crow problem” may not be quite as good as it seems to be.

And most people are just as ill-informed as I was regarding crows and lawns when it comes to politics. That’s why they vote for Trudeau and Obama and the NDP and the Greens and allow Cultural Marxism to run amock in their schools, brainwashing their kids and messing their values up: they are ill-informed, they don’t read, and they watch the government-controlled socialist media and movies and TV shows that are programmed to program. They urge people to “be kind” to “refugees” and “accepting” to the LGBT mob. They have no idea what is going on.

I will never forget the time I asked a fellow what the last book was that he had read and he replied indignantly, “I don’t read books – I’m too manly to read books.” Sad. Very sad.

Time to smarten up, learn about things that affect you and your family and business, associate with people who actually know what is going on in the world, and be quick to admit it when you realize you were misled, brainwashed, hoodwinked, or simply uninformed.

Robin Elliott